[ the Orginal......now this is what I'm talking about...]

Will the REAL Bill Kaulitz please stand up....
Just look at the picture below, Bill(left) is FULL of confidence, and Adam, he just poses like a loser...because all he is, a cheap imitation, and copy-cat with a fat face.

I'm usually not mean, but Adam, GET YOUR OWN FUCKING STYLEEEEE!!!!!!

He is SUCH a retard. i'm sorry to be so blunt; but i SO dislike Adam whoever he is.

& to make it worst, he's SUCH a copy-cat. not only that, but people like him, who do and say DUMB shit for no reason just UPSET my nerves.

Because i'm such a good stalker when it comes to Bill and Tom, i reazlie this Adamm whoever is trying step in my twins shoes....so i realized, this dummy ripping of Bill's [odd] sense of style, but i thought it was JUST ME, so i didn't say anything. but then it became MORE + MORE clear that i was right.

yesterday, i was going through a magizine, and i saw dis fool's new hair cut, and guess what, it's cut the SAME way Bill has his hair cut......

ugh, because he [sometimes] is in magizine, i'm forced to actually see his ugly face, and i've noticed every passing week that goes by, he seems to go more and more "...Bill.-ish"

then i saw this video, and it all made sense.

the retarded admits to having a crush on Bill....

which is why he copys Bill!

ugh, i really don't like him. i'll explain why in a next blog, but for now, all i got left to say is,

<-the fake; the real -> 

GET YOUR OWN FUCKING STYLE ADAM whoever YOU ARE.
Bill is someone you'll never be, no matter HOW much make-up you put on.

“I was in the heat of passion and my hair extensions would come out - it was so embarrassing."

-Victoria Beckham (on being asked why she removed her hair extentions and cut her hair short.)

Your dance moves ain't nothing compared to his!

i like this guy.
I like this guy because he's one of the few guys i'd like to dance with mainly because he dances like me. There's music playing, but apparently, he's dancing to his OWN beat. When I dance, people tell me I be dancing to a different song in MY head, and I think he does too.


Crazy thing is; this guy, this character, is gonna build back Tom Cruise image.

Being funny, and making fun of yourself WILL ALWAYS win you cool points.


Always.

Hmm, interesting....very interesting.

You know the strangest thing I've seen?  I've seen atheist patients who claim to not believe in God, beg and say God's name over and over while having their breakdown.

Usually, atheist people do not speak of God, or say His name unless its to bash Him, or make fun of Him. But when all else fails, and they realize they have no-where to go, nothing to do, and no-one to save them, something inside cries out to God.
And the sad part is; as much as atheist people bash God, when they need help, or need to be saved, that same God they disclaim and make fun of doesn't pretend not to hear them. He doesn't ignore their cries.

Back in Florida, at 'New Horizon,' there was once a time when an [atheist] patient was being held down by the guards because he was behaving 'insane.” and because he was being held down, he couldn't help himself or free himself. Which made him behave more insane because he was being physically restricted. And because he was being physically restricted, his state of mind became even more insane. So being that he felt so helpless, physically and mentality, he screamed God's name and begged for help. After he did that, the guards loosened their hold on the man, because immediately he calmed down. Something inside of him, calmed down. The doctors, the nurses and even the other patients looked at each other confused, but I wasn't confused. His mind calmed down because he said four very small words, “Oh God, HELP me...” and once he said that, his mind instantly calmed down. Which eventually lead his body to calm down. And that is why the guards let him go.

There's power behind words....especially words surrounding God.

He was freed, because He asked for God's help. 

There's alot of people who claim to not believe in God, but sometimes thats a front. Sometimes, DEEP down, underneath all the denial and disappointment; there is STILL a small dime drop of hope, and faith. A lot ot the times, its there without them even knowing. 

As a person who strongly believes in God. I find it heart-breaking to come across an atheist person. Before, I used to get angry, because how dare them not acknowlege God. But now, I just pity them. I truly feel sorry for them, because their heart will never be at peace. I've met SO MANY people in my life who claim to not believe in God, and none of them have been happy. (I know that is 'generalizing' people, but that is from MY experience.) I guess that is why in the Bible, it says to pray for those who do not believe, because they'll never know God, and they'll never find out HIS personality. and thats the sad part, because once you UNDERSTAND His personality, you'll never look for external acceptance or approval from ANYONE else. 

 I do pray for those people who do not believe. Mainly because I know once a atheist returns to God, not only will THEY be happy, but I know God will be estastic knowing that another lost child has been found. 

Jerry: "...Why do you think God hasn't given up on us yet?..."

Ella:  *pause* "I think it's because He has SO much FAITH in man-kind. And I think because He's so strong, He knows WE are also so strong, (even though we may not know it) I also think He truly believes that there's still SOME good left in all of us...."

Jerry: "..You really think so?"

Ella: "I hope so...He made us, He knows what we're capable of...and what we're NOT capable of....maybe all hope isn't lost...I think if ALL hope was lost, He would intervene. I think He would step in and say, "enough IS enough!" But I don't think He's done that yet, because obviously, we're stronger then we THINK...if we couldn't handle it, then He would take control of the situation...but He hasn't yet...because He knows man-kind can endure this..." 

This pretty much explains itself.
When you desperately want something , GO for it.
don't be afraid, and don't let anything or anyone stop you.
There's a REASON you want it...

Whatever you desire MOST in this life...CAN be yours.

if only you believe...
"As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he."
so if you have a good heart, and believe that you are happy, rich, and successful, then it will done...

and if you doubt that...
God HIMSELF said these words:
"Son, thou art ever with me, and ALL THAT I HAVE IS THINE." 

I think people FORGET who they originally come from.
Your mother and your father are not your TRUE parents.
God is.
Your mother and father cannot DO the things God can...
So imagine; if YOU come from Him, Infinite Knowledge, Infinite Wisdom...tell me now...What is it that you think you CANNOT do?....

You can do everything and MORE...
Like father LIKE son...

think about that...

& its no secret; God says it OVER and OVER and OVER and OVER...
but we don't LISTEN. We don't take the time to READ BETWEEN THE LINES. 
Just listen to Him, He's telling you all the time, constantly trying to get you to OPEN UP what is locked away INSIDE you...

Learn your background...KNOW who you REALLY come from. We are ALL orphans living together...

When you LEARN & ACCEPT that...you'll NEVER doubt yourself again....Once you KNOW who your true Father is...you'll begin to BELIEVE..

...and believing is the first step in unlocking what is hidden inside you.

HELP!!! I can't stop....=x
i think i like the stupid corny boy! LMFAO! ^_^

She killed it!

i love this video! it's hott!
Shakira looks beautiful in it! beautiful and happy!
i love her dance, she's just adorable, and cute as hell.
She could sit down and scratch her knee and i'd still say "awww! how adorable!" she's just THAT cute. she can get away with anything.

So, my question is, who's this HOTT guy in the start of the video? someone please tell me, because he's hot like fiyahhhh! lol if he plays soccer, i wanna know what team hes on so i can cheer for his sexy ass!

how cute were these guys @ 2:07? especially when they did their 'Waka Waka' dance?

and hmmm............this motherrrrr freaker here....looking all sexy when he winked at the camera! (damn it kills me to say that! Grrr!)

I'm ashamed to say this....

It's official, i must be loosing my damn mind.
I never thought in a million and two years that i would EVER find this fool attractive. I mean, of ALL people....and the thing is, I don't even find him attractive, it's just...something so very...UGLY, but cute about him...wtf...i can't put my finger on it...(Ugh, damn this World Cup, its bringing out all kinds of crazy emotions!)

i think it was when i saw these pictures of him and his ex-girlfriend, my first thought was, "Awwh! whos' that? they're a cute couple!" That was, until i looked CLOSER and realized WHO he was...i don't have anything agaisnt him, i just don't like the whole Jersey Shore look. you know the whole 'orange tan, pretty boy, no hair, gel and hairspray' look...its TOO clean, and too pretty. (I don't want no man looking prettier then me! What the hell....LMAO!) There's a different between "handsome" and "pretty"...handsome is for a man, and pretty should be for a woman.

I'm divided, because i don't care for him; but i kinda like him...but i kinda don't.

 

End note: pay no attention to this blog. Pretend you never saw it.

I get them too...


I don't like to be negative, but fuck it. We all have our days. and today was mines.
Plain talk, and bad manners; Today was SHIT.
The one good thing that stood out about today was the fact that I FINALLY found a local book store that is selling my Oscar Wilde Book.


[ Anyone who knows me, knows I'm alittle, just a tiny bit obsessed with Oscar Wilde's book, "The Picture of Dorian Gray." and i been dying to get my hands on a copy! & finally, the day has come! ]

On some real shit, I can't even BEGIN to tell me the HELL I have put myself THROUGH just to read that fucking book. Honestly, I think that's why my eyes are hurting now.


What happened was...I couldn't find the book anywhere, (well, i don't wanna say i couldn't find the book, truth is, i didn't look for the book!) I just assumed that the particular book I was looking for, wasn't going to be sold in stores here.

But before you bash me, just know...lesson learned! I learned my lesson! Never assume anything ever again! GOT IT. 

Anyways, here's what REALLY happened...After I saw the movie, 'Dorian Gray' (..starring that precious, dreamy, sweet like sugar, candy man Ben Barnes) that's when I found out about Dorian Gray. And after I found out about Dorian Gray, I found out about Oscar Wilde, (the man and author behind the 'legendary' Dorian Gray.) So being the nosey person I am, I researched  who Oscar Wilde was, and became fasinated by him. Long story short, I became so desperate to read Oscar Wilde's book that I went online and downloaded the book to my lap-top, and been reading it from there since.

Now here's the problem I ran into; For those of you who don't know; when you stare at a computer screen for hours on end, your eyes DO begin to hurt.


I can speak from experience, don't do it! (Always give your eyes a break!)
or else you'll end up a mess, like me....maybe not like me...but....I don't know whats wrong with me. It's like, when i find a good book, I become temporary insane. Madness just takes over. In my mind, it's like, if i don't READ that book a.s.a.p, I'll collaspe and die...what the hell...its like 'well...ya know, if i don't read the book now, tomorrow, i may get hit by a car, and then i'll never know what happened!' i think that's how my brain operates...I would be the dummy to die, and then when it comes time to meet God, I'll be the fool to be like, "Wait, I left something on Earth, Can I pleaseee run back and get my book so I can read it in Heaven!? Gimme two minutes! just two minutes!" I just get SO excited for books! it's unnatural!

 Ya know, I blame Oscar Wilde, if his book wasn't so damn interesting, I would never get stuck on it...and my eyes won't be hurting now. Lemme stop, I don't pour blame out on anyone. It was MY choice to sit behind this SAME screen and read. But for all of you who don't know, that book is SO good, and it has such wonderful QUOTES in it...I'm a quote gal, so his book was like Heaven for me! I've NEVER in ALL my 23 years of life, EVER read a book, with SO many amazing quotes...no lie, EVERY page has 2-3 quotes I pull and save. That's how good his writing is...it's beautiful! 


I don't know how it is for other people, but books make me really happy. and when i find a GOOD book, i just escape in it. i fall into a NEW world, and sometimes...i can't get out. (well, i can, but i don't want to.) i get lost in books, and its hard for me to put a good book down. Many people say that's why i write so much. they say its because writing allows you to be anyone, anywhere, anytime, and at any place. I always want to get away. I never want to stay where I am. I'm always dreaming....morning, noon, and night. And as a writer, it's a known fact, your dreams CAN become a reality...once that pen hits the paper...


So yeah, so that's the story about my book.

I'm hype. and I can't WAIT to get my hands on the actual book copy. I'm going to cherish it, and love it.

&& for ya'll who don't share my excitment about my new book...BITE ME.

Tom hair looking a hott mess!

its cute when they pat each others head. :)

God and Adam touching.

I've always loved paintings having to do with Jesus and God.

Especially those of which show God or Jesus interacting with mankind.

I think I want the above painting though. I really like the hands of God touching mans.

...It's comforting.

Look at that sweet angel face.

Do you think God will ever walk away from such a precious face?

Never.

...We were all that precious child at one point...

No matter how big, grown, and ignorant we become; I think God will always see us as precious as this little child.

An Interview with God.

I dreamt I had an interview with God. "Come in," God said. "So, you would like to interview Me?"

"If you have the time," I said.
God smiled and said: "My time is eternity and is enough to do everything; what questions do you have in mind to ask me?"
"What surprises you most about mankind?"
God answered:
"That they get bored of being children, are in a rush to grow up, and then long to be children again.
That they lose their health to make money and then lose their money to restore their health.
That by thinking anxiously about the future, they forget the present, such that they live neither for the present nor the future.

That they live as if they will never die, and they die as if they had never lived…"

God’s hands took mine and we were silent for a while and then I asked…"As a parent, what are some of life’s lessons you want your children to learn?"

God replied with a smile:
"To learn that they cannot make anyone love them. What they can do is to let themselves be loved.
To learn that what is most valuable is not what they have in their lives, but who they have in their lives.
To learn that it is not good to compare themselves to others. All will be judged individually on their own merits, not as a group on a comparison basis!
To learn that a rich person is not the one who has the most, but is one who needs the least.
To learn that it only takes a few seconds to open profound wounds in persons we love, and that it takes many years to heal them.
To learn to forgive by practicing forgiveness.
To learn that there are persons that love them dearly, but simply do not know how to express or show their feelings.
To learn that money can buy everything but happiness.
To learn that two people can look at the same thing and see it totally differently.
To learn that a true friend is someone who knows everything about them…and likes them anyway.
To learn that it is not always enough that they be forgiven by others, but that they have to forgive themselves."
I sat there for a while enjoying the moment. I thanked Him for his time and for all that He has done for me and my family, and He replied, "Anytime. I’m here 24 hours a day. All you have to do is ask for me, and I promise, I WILL answer."

I miss my beautiful locks.

Thank God, my hair grows fast.

I can't wait for my hair to look like this again.

=]

Someone messaged me the other day and asked me why is it that I don't actually 'write' anymore?

Truth is, I've been a mess lately so I'm suffering from bit of writer's block.

I'm kind of...well, to be completely honest, i can't find my mood.

I'm up and down these days. My emotions are not elevated, so my equilibrium and my balance is all of.

And when that happens, my writing always suffers.

When your under stress, and when your not balanced, it always shows.


I don't know how it is for other writers; but for me, when I'm not balanced, my writing tends to be all over the place. I usually write articles. Meaning there's a topic, and i write ONLY about that topic. But lately, my attempts to write have failed, because i always end up going of topic, which makes my article look like 'free-hand' writing. The problem with me is, when i can't locate my mood, i can't locate a topic i feel strongly enough about. And i can't write a proper article unless i feel strongly about the topic. Passion is what makes work shine. And lately, i haven't felt passion for anything.


Work started back, and school started back. And for school; it's now a short semester, so i have to cramp classes, so my head has just been all over the place lately. Which i think is contributing to my writers block. My mind can't settle down long enough to concrete on a topic.



It sounds crazy, but it's true.
The greatest actor of all time, Marlon Brando once said, “Acting is easy; writing is hard.” And he was right.

It's not easy to write. A lot of people think its easy to write. But contrary to belief, it isn't as easy for it looks.

First to begin; Your mind has to be balanced, and clam, and it has to remain that way long enough to finish what you begin writing. Anyone who does meditation knows how difficult it is to keep your mind still and clam.

Second: Before you begin writing, you have to KNOW what your going to write about. It's better to know before hand, so you can ponder and think about it before you begin to write. Also, you have to remember quotes and facts. If you know me, you know that I always have a yellow sticky pad with me. Quotes, sentences, and facts rarely come to you WHILE your writing. They always come at random times through out the day. A lot of the times, writers go blank when they put the pen to the paper. Hence the reason, I use sticky pads to jot notes down through out the day. So when i do sit behind this lap-top, the words flow.


And last but not least: TIME. You have to set time aside to write. And lately, that's been a big problem for me, because I'm juggling so many things at once. But even though I'm so busy, I still try to write because it's one of the few things in my life that relieve my stress. My counsellor always encourages me to write, and not stop, because she knows once I stop, I become a mess and look for other (dangerous) ways to relieve my stress. But as i said, you NEED to find the time to write. And time, is something people rarely have.




But don't worry, love.
Writer's block doesn't last forever...

From past experiences, I've noticed when a writer suffers from writer's block, usually, they come back better then ever! :)

Hi boo :)

James Dean, will always be my little weakness.

Thank you God for creating such a beautiful man.
Trish, THIS IS WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT....

Jon Kortajarena, he's the best thing straight out of Spain.
It's a good thing i don't live in Spain, i know myself well enough to know, if i did live there, i'd be a whore. LMFAO! all those good-looking men, i wouldn't know WHAT to do!

Tall? Check.

High cheek bones? Check.

Strong jaw line? Check.

Long hair? Check.

European? Check.

He passed the test. Such few men pass my test.

Ain't he cute!? he's sexy WITH clothes, and without clothes...:)

&&

Look how smart he is, he shaves his facial hair in a way that shows off his deep cheek bones. I wanna have his babies. lol i want my kid to come out with his deep cheek bones.

HELLO? Movie studios...if your not to busy, can we get a RELEASE DATE?!...

My question is, when the frick is this movie coming out????

Shit! you know how eager i am to see it!?

...I wanna know when its coming out, so i can prepare the boot-leggers on da block to boot-leg my ass a copy A.S.A.P!

No! i'm totally kidding, i'd happily pay money to see Ben Barnes beautifulllllllllllllllll face on a big screen...

(omg what a face...BEST thing about this face is the little beauty mark under his right eye.)

Actually, alot of people don't know my obession with Ben Barnes.

well, they don't know because i don't post or talk about him much...but the truth is, i'm MORE obsessed with him, then i am with Bill, or Tom, or Henry Cavill, or anyone else in the movie/entertainment business.

and the reason i haven't posted much about Ben Barnes is, ONCE I START, I WON'T STOP!

but i WILL post about Ben Barnes...very..very soon...

Transporter 3;

Just seen this movie. I know I'm late as hell, but whatever. Better late then never.

All i gotta say is, i liked it. I really enjoyed it.

[ ...but 'Transporter 2' is, and will always be my favorite of the series. I don't know why, but i just really like the 2nd one, maybe it's because i adore that cute little boy Frank was trying to protect. ] But I did enjoy the 3rd one.

Ya know, a lot of people didn't like the girl in the 3rd one. They said her acting was horrible, and she was hard to look at because of all her freckles, and they classified her as being 'ugly.' But i disagree. I don't agree with those statements AT ALL.

When i first saw her, i thought the complete opposite. I thought she was beautiful. And i enjoyed her acting. This was her first movie, and i thought she did a good job. She was cute and entertaining. And unlike a lot of people, i loved her freckles. They make her look different, she stands out. She has an 'exotic' look. It's not one you see everyday. Hence the reason why so many people would not like her look. Personally, in my opinion, an exotic face is sexy, because it isn't common. By the way, kudos to whoever did her eye-make up. Her eyes were dazzling, i couldn't stop staring at her. At one point, i even paused the movie, just so i could really look at her. But as i said, i thought she was beautiful...no, more like stunning.

Confession: Even though I'm 23 years old; I'm obsessed with the Disney channel. Call me crazy, call me childish, i don't care, i love me some Disney Channel.

Every day when I come home, my TV is set to the Disney channel. I love their shows! When I used to live with Nikki, back in Georgia, everyday when Symphonee would come home from school, we would watch Disney shows together. It was so relaxing, and so much fun, because even though the shows are intended for kids, their extremely entertaining, even for adults! But my favorite was always Cole and Dylan's show, 'The Sweet Life of Zack and Cody.' Lol i love those twins! (I think, i just love twins in general!) Me and Symphonee used to fight over which one belonged to who! Lol i always prefer Cody! To me, Cody was always the hottest because he was more nerdy, and dork-ish. Zack on the other hand, was the funny one, the player, the 'cool' one. Which is why i prefer Cody. (Eh, what can i say, i love my nerds! I'm faithful to them!)

 I liked them ever since i saw one of their first movies, 'Big Daddy,' that's when i fell in love with them. And now look at them, all grown up! Funny thing is, i always knew those boys would grow up to be sexy as hell! And as usual, i was right, because now look at them....sexy, AND rich as hell!

& Last but not least; 

Jesus Is Not My Homeboy, He's My Savior

There IS A BIG DIFFERENCE between 'homeboy' and 'savior.'

Have some respect and call the man what he IS, he's a SAVIOR.

Best thing about World Cup is their offical song.

I loveee this song. It's one of the few songs that have GOOD lyrics! the lyrics are so powerful! Very meaningful and heart-felt lyrics...
Sing this song, and you'll feel the lyrics.

This is off-topic, but another STRONG lyric song is this one below, the song is called, "Something inside SO strong..."
It's a old song, but i heard it over the radio the other day, and wow, the lyrics moved me.

"I did not ask for the life that I was given. But it was given, nonetheless. And with it, I did my best."

“Step-Mother Ella?” I don't think so...



What is it with me? Why the hell do i constantly attract men with children?

Seriously, i am not one of those girls who can date a man knowing he has children from another woman. No, lemme rephrase that, i can do it, but i won't do it. I refuse too!


Here's the reason why; I am extremely selfish when it comes to my friends and my loved ones. And it just so happens that 'my man' falls under both categories; because he has to be a friend, and he also has to be a loved one. So being the selfish human being that i am, i do not like to share my man's attention with anyone! So here's the problem with dating a man who has children from another woman. A) there's another woman involved. B) I have to share his attention with his children from the woman before me. And C) My man and the woman before me, will always have a special bond because his FIRST child was with her.


Now, I may not be able to control a lot of things in my life, but i can control who i date, and who i fall in love with. (And for those of you people who think you can't control who you fall in love with. Yes you can. You have the power to control that. But i won't go into that, because that's a lot of explaining and writing to do, and honestly, I'm not in the mood to play ms. Teacher tonight. Matter fact, squash that, if you believe in love at first sight and if you believe that you cannot control who you fall for, then good for you. Believe what you'd like, i ain't here to change nobody's opinion or view of things.)

Here's why this topic came up.


I met this cool guy, right? Extremely good-looking, vegetarian, funny, understanding, all the above. But tonight, i find out he has a child, and attached to that child, is the child's baby mama. Now to be honest, immediately, it turned me of. He didn't do anything wrong, but just the mere fact that he has a child by someone else, that killed it for me. I was disappointed. And i didn't hide it well at all, because he picked up on the disappointment in my voice.

After we hung up, he texted me and asked me, “Are you scared?” But as i explained to him, its not a matter of being scared. I have nothing to be scared of, because i will not be putting myself in that situation. I don't like the idea of dating someone with baggage. I have enough baggage of my own to deal with, and last thing i want to do is add someone else baggage to my own. I must admit, i did really like him. But at the end of the day, i will not settle, and I've never been one to follow my heart. Why? Because I trust my common sense more then i do my emotions. I believe in common sense. I'll stop the early morning text messages, and late night phone-calls, and i will not hang out with him. I don't see the sense.

"A behavior that starts as an attempt to feel more in control can end up controlling you."

...keep that in mind, Ella.

OMG! that is the CUTEST baby EVERRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Check out his facial expressions! He's hott and he KNOWS it! =D 

..wOw...When did Tom get a BODY?

damn...he looking.....fuck-a-lious.

I'm at a lost for words....lol

Too bad, I prefer Bill.

But Bill is looking TOO skinny. =/

Their identical twins, but yet they always looks so different.

                 .Tom is hood/tan/built -> Bill is rock/pale/skinny.